thehardyheyday.blogspot.com
When I was younger, I used to wonder what my new name would be when I was a true “grown up” and would tie the knot; first as a little girl trying to imagine someone wanting to marry me and later when I had to imagine even wanting to get married at all. I’d make up names, borrow them from some actor or musician or even a classmate (rarely anyone I liked or dated because then it was...real...yuck), then pair them with my own in permutations of potential monikers.
My favorite included my first and last names with the last name of an Italian jazz pianist because he was cute, I didn’t know him personally and it made me sound like a mafia princess.
I wondered if I’d keep my last name or middle name, or both; with or without the husband’s name. Would it be an ethnic name or fully Americana? Would it lend itself to hyphenation? Would it be a name that paired with the kids’ names I’d thought up during some random daydream of the future? Even in the later days when I’d think it through, it was usually in the context of a letter addressed to me and the Mr., rather than the implications of a name change.
I wouldn’t change a thing about my life before Jacob, nor the time since - and I especially would never never trade my single life for earlier matrimony. Though my best friend from home kicked off the married life at the tender age of 19, I loved the extra 8 years I got. So, singles, go on, keep living your life, don’t jump in unless you really mean it, but if you hold out beware of the flip side. Getting married "later on" (as after college graduation is known here in the pseudoSouth) has its own implications. Since I graduated at 21 and started my career immediately, I’d worked for several years on my own and formed a network. A network that knew me (duh) by the only name I’d ever had - my maiden name.
Now, after a marriage and a year abroad, I find myself in the interesting position of making a reentry and a debut - two things not easily reconciled. My businesses have always been something about making friends and connections and now, as a consultant, it’s necessary to call back on some of those connections...and I find myself constantly manipulating a mouthful, spitting out my maiden name and last name in quick succession, never sure if I’ve been in contact with this person since I’ve been married and back in the county, never sure if they’d take my calls or recognize the name.
When I started back into the writing market, I was dedicated to including my married name in the byline. I made sure to change my name on other contact forms and in other venues. I’ve always wanted to take my husband’s name - I think it’s a sweet thing to do and one that symbolizes the joining of families - but the proof is in the legal pudding, I suppose...and I just haven’t been in the mood for pudding yet.
When we first got married, it was impossible to think about legally changing my name because we were traveling so extensively, there was never enough time to process all my paperwork. Now, however, the time is coming and I’m balking a bit.
That name and I - we go way back - personally and professionally and it’s a breakup with which I’m having a tough time (one of very few hard breakups, I’ll tell you). As I thought about it, though, the core values are still there. I want us to be identified together, as a family. I want our family to be united in name. The only thing that’s really holding me back, well, it’s just a bit of vanity, really.
I built a life under that name and for all the good memories and service it’s getting pushed to the middle position...well, it will sometime.
It’s on Facebook, though. That makes it totally official.
